Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
