By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
