We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
