she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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