He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
