Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
