1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
