I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
