I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
