So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
