i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize