I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
