You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
