You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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