jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
