just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
