just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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