I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
