I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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