sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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