R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
