why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
