Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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