I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
