If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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