Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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