mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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