I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize