It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
