He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
