Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
