I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
