My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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