It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
