And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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