I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
