Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
