Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
