He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
