How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
