so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
