did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
