Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
