Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
