a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
