whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
