Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
