I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
