is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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