oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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