Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Is it because I queefed?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
