it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
