I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
