you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
