I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize