she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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