I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
