i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
