I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
