I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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