i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
