Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
