So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
