oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize