Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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