What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
