Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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