Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
