saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
