definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize