im drinking this country out of the recession.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
