just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize