I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
