someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
