I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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