I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
