wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
