you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
