He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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