At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
