Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
