You smell like stripper and shame
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
