I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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