you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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