We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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