I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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