she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
