i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
