Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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