Your mouth is God's brothel.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
