she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
