And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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