Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
