There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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