My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
