She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
